Initiation into Internalization

My original plan was to give a presentation on the initiation into the Hindu religion—playing off how they would have to renounce all possessions and talk about how painful that is. But during my research, I found the story of Shiv Shivabalayogi Maharaj. He was a master of meditation in the traditions of the ancient yogis. He achieved “self-realization” after a 12 year meditative journey of “tapas”.

Tapas means “deep meditation” and is derived from the Sanskrit word tap. Tap has several meanings, but some definitions include “pain, suffering, and mortification”. I knew that I must talk about this in light of painful initiation.

Shivabalayogi began his journey at the age of 14 in 1949. He was chilling on the banks of a river with his buddies, eating a palmyra fruit, when his body began to convulse and a bright light was emanated from the fruit. He fell into a deep meditation that neither his friends, nor the people of the village could rouse him from.

Many thought his antics were acting for attention or money. Some even abused the boy. They hit him, poured sugar water on him so that ants would bite him, and even threw a burning gasoline rag on him. But no matter. The boy understood that tapas was a personal endeavor to achieve a goal—foregoing whatever bodily pain and suffering came along the way.

He retreated to a cemetery outside of town where he could meditate in peace for 23 hours a day, enduring insect, rodent, and cobra bites as well as the rotting of skin. Every night at midnight, he would be roused from his meditation to feel the pain his body was enduring.

After 12 years of this all I can ask him is, “Was it really worth it?”