Boys2Men

Initiation. We all experience it. Initiation is the moving from one context to another. It involves leaving behind the old self and adopting a new existential condition. A major initiation category is the passing from puberty into adulthood. In all cultures, boys become men and girls become women. But I think that, in America, we are blurring those lines and, as a result, our initiations have become watered down.

For thousands of years, men and women have had very different roles in society. Men have, historically, been the breadwinners and providers of the family, while women have been the breadcookers and the caregivers. To be a man was to adopt attributes such as rejecting passivity, accepting responsibility, and leading courageously. To be a woman was to adopt all things feminine: being beautiful, having an incredibly considerate personality, and being a helper and an encourager. These attributes were not only set by society, but have also been hardwired into the genome. Men and women have very different body structures, thought processes, desires, needs, and abilities. I’m not saying there is, nor should be, no overlap, but I do think that, in our culture that puts so much energy into equality in all things, a balance has been offset.

I don’t want this to become a sexist post, because that doesn’t reflect me or my opinions at all. But I do want to focus on what has happened to men. The point I want to make is that our society has lost something vital in its quest for equality: differences. To be initiated into either manhood or womanhood looks the same. No longer are we challenging men to be men and, as a result, we have a breed of men that is watery and lazy. I realize that there are many different viewpoints out there for what it means to be a man, but men should be strong leaders who don’t make excuses or whine about circumstances. And we have lost this because we have lost initiations.

In the older days, it was the father’s job to raise his sons to be the men, but that doesn’t happen all across the board anymore. Fathers should challenge sons and not allow them to be lazy just “because they feel like it”. I don’t exactly agree with many of the ceremonial initiations of many cultures that either mutilate boys or cause pain for no good reason, but these cultures have made men. These men are expected to be strong—not show signs of weakness.

And we no longer have those expectations for our boys.